The Heart of God...

Yesterday when I picked Aly up from pre-school I could tell something was up. She was just not acting like her normal, happy self. I tried to talk to her but she didn't want to. In the car she wanted her 'me' and her milk, but I didn't have either...she started to cry. She has never done that when I have picked her up before. Then, she wanted chicken nuggets and french fries. I told her no because it wasn't on the way (if I could do it again I would've gotten her some for sure) and again she started to cry. Then she wanted her snake - which was at home - so I told her we would swing by and get it on the way to grandma's.

I continued to try to talk to her about her day, but she just wouldn't share. She looked so incredibly sad...like she had lost her best friend! It was a different emotion than I had seen from her before...so grown up. I asked her if anything happened at school and she said 'Nothing'. I knew it had. After we got the snake, she still visibly upset. Her legs were all curled up in her car seat and she was laying her head on her hand [I can't even really describe just how sad she looked-it still breaks my heart to think about it]. I asked her again what was wrong and she was silent. Then, she broke down crying and said, "A girl pushed me". I told her I was sorry that that had happened and she said "Two girls pushed me". It sounds silly, but I have never seen her so crushed! All I could do was tell her how much I loved her and we talked about what she should do if that happens again.

The whole thing really taught me something about the heart of Jesus. I know the Bible teaches that Jesus 'feels our pain' and that 'His heart breaks with ours', but I never truly understood what that meant until this happened. My heart was truly broken watching her feel so sad. I would have literally done anything to take away the hurt that she was feeling, but the reality of it was no matter how much I loved her and wanted to fix it - I could not change it! And this was over something as trivial as a girl pushing her at pre-school!

It really made me think about how God must feel as he watches us go through so many hurtful things in our lives and how broken His heart must really be. Not only that, but how could he possibly send his own Son to die, and watch him suffer, for people who may never even understand what a gift that was?!?!?! I am so thankful we have a God who loves us that unconditionally, even though we have done nothing to deserve it!! [That is exactly how it is with our kids...they do nothing to merit love we have for them and yet that love is uncontrollable...whether they realize it or not] And it reminded me how important it is going to be to make sure Aly and Hannah know these things and teach them to find their confidence in the Lord!

Talk about pressure...

You know, sometimes I think God allows us to be parents just so we can become more like him. There are somethings you can not possibly understand about God until you have a child(ren) of your own. At the same time, having a relationship with Jesus has made me a better wife, mother, teacher and person!!

Sorry if I am rambling, but I had to share...