Perspective

The last two weeks have been rough.  Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually we are spent.  For starters, the day after I found out I was cut, Alyssa broke out with an impetigo rash all over her head from scratching her eczema.  A few days later I got strep.  Within days, Hannah also got strep...and currently has a nasty virus on top of taking the antibiotics.  So far, Dan has made it through without getting any of it, but the Target pharmacist and I are on a first name basis ;)

Dan and I have both gone through just about every emotion about what has and will happen after August. Sigh. Yet, life continues to go on.  Doors have already been closed on the opportunities I have pursued so far, but a few seem to be open for Dan.  I like to be in control which make this infinitely more difficult to handle.  Even though it is hard, we are trying to trust Jesus and seek out his will for us.  One step at a time.     

Perspective is always good for reminding me of God's love and faithfulness.  The last few days have provided some serious perspective:  We have a safe home...and even if we loose it, we have enough friends and family that we wouldn't go without a place to live.  That is more than the earthquake and tsunami victims in Japan can say right now.  Our girls, despite minor illnesses which are easily treated, are healthy.  That is more than the family we know who just lost their unborn baby.  Dan and I have a strong marriage.  That is more than the couple a few doors down can say who is selling their house and getting a divorce.  The list could go on and on with those who have far less than we do.  And, even if all of that goes away, we still have Jesus!  I know He doesn't always give us what we want, but it is comforting to know He does provide us with what we need...always. 

I am still sad and, of course, I am still worried - it is just who I am :)...but I know we have been blessed with the most important things.  I want to enjoy the things we have been given and not worry about what we haven't.  Not only are we blessed, but there is a lot to look forward to...especially this week!  It is the last week of school before spring break, Aly gets to go to 'Kindergarten Round Up' and................HANNAH TURNS 3!!!  Seriously, 3?? Where did time go?!?! 

Not the best week ever...

It is amazing how a single event can change everything.  With just a few words everything can change.  And, then, there are those moments you will never forget...Monday was one of them. 

I know our district has been in financial distress.  We have failed the last two levies and the upcoming one is not looking good.  Housing values are going down, people are unemployed, and the state is making cuts.  Money is running out.  Painful cuts have to be made and it isn't going to be easy.  I knew the district was going to have to lay off several teachers, but we didn't know who or what programs would be on the chopping block.  We had been told for months that programs would be safe this time around, so I had confidence I would escape for at least one more school year...just enough to finish my intervention license and slide into another position in the district.  Sunday we had a meeting and were told 32 teachers would have to be let go for next school year and that the cuts would be made the following day.  I was really upset know that our schools, the community and the students (including our girls who will be starting school here soon) were going to suffer.  You can't maintain an 'Excellent with Distinction' rating and  continue to make deep cuts to the heart and soul of the district.  But, because of previous conversations I had had with higher-ups in the district, I though I would be ok...this time.

Monday was a hard day for everyone.  The general morale in the building was the lowest I have ever seen as a teacher.  Working in a school, we are more like family than co-workers so it is hard to see people go.  I was ok until after lunch.  Then I got a text from a friend who said she had a meeting with her principal after school...that only meant one thing.  I managed to make it through the rest of my classes and was straightening up my classroom when my principal and assistant principal walked in.

They didn't even have to say anything. I knew...RIF.

Reduction in Force.

My heart just sank and I started to cry.  They tried to make me feel better and encourage me by telling me how much I have done for the school and the FCS program, how much the students love me and how much they will miss working with me...but that just made it harder to hear.  

Not just because I don't know what we will do in the Fall, but because a job that a countless number of people prayed about for years was just pulled right out from under me...  

 

A job that I actually loved...

         A job that I feel is vitally important to my students...  

                  That I have poured my heart and soul into and leave my girls everyday to go do... 

But, none of that really matters because there is nothing I can do to change it. I was on the list.

I am heartbroken, but I somehow I have to find a way to focus on this school year.  I still have students who need me everyday and are looking to me for support.   We just started a new term and I promised them we were going to have fun!  

As for us, I don't think it has fully sank in and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the situation so I can process the whole thing.  I have NO idea what I will do.  There no jobs in FCS and I am not done with my Intervention license yet.  I do have 6 months to find something else though.  I am hopeful, but in reality, I may not be starting school anywhere in the Fall.  How weird.  It will be the first Fall since I was 5 years old that that won't happen.  At the same time, there is a strange peace I feel about the situation.  A peace that can only come from Jesus.

When this happened, I really felt like the Lord told me that it was ok to mourn, but not to dwell on it...that He needed me somewhere else.  I know He has a plan and will provide something for us.  It may not be what we want or expect, but it will be what we need. One good thing is that we have have been overwhelmed by the support we have gotten from our friends and family.  It has truly been a blessing to see that there are so many people who love and care for us, who will walk through this time with us.  Tesia and Brian gave us the scripture below to read and it really speaks to the situation.

May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
   may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
May he send you help from the sanctuary
   and grant you support from Zion.
May he remember all your sacrifices
   and accept your burnt offerings.
May he give you the desire of your heart
   and make all your plans succeed.
May we shout for joy over your victory
   and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the LORD grant all your requests.

Now this I know:
   The LORD gives victory to his anointed.

He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
   with the victorious power of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
   but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
They are brought to their knees and fall,
   but we rise up and stand firm.
LORD, give victory to the king!
   Answer us when we call!

                                                 ~Psalm 20 

We are just trying to rest in the joy of His salvation right now.   I know it is going to get a lot harder before it gets better, but we want to come out of this situation closer to Jesus. Everything around us may crumble or fade, but He can never be taken from us.

Please pray for us as we navigate through this time :)

I Just Can't Shake It...

I love teaching what I teach because, not only do I get to teach them valuable life skills, I get to have fun with them and build relationships with my students that go beyond the classroom.  Usually hey teach me a thing or two in the process.  Last week I had a conversation with a girl that really got to me and I can't seem to shake it...

While they are working in class I like to float from table to table and become a part of their conversations.  This particular days was after having a sub for my personal day on Hannah's birthday.  My student's were asking me about my day of with Hannah, so I was telling them about her day.  Then, out of the blue, a very sweet 6th grade girl said, "I used to have a 2 year old sister..."

Not at all prepared for the answer I asked, "What do you mean 'You used to...'?"  Her response almost brought me to tears right in the middle of class.  She told me very quietly, "I used to, but she died in a car accident when she was 2.  I was only in 1st grade."  Oh. My. Gosh...    

I couldn't say anything.  My heart stopped and I was overwhelmed with sorrow for this girl and her family.  She seemed as though her heart had healed and was doing fine.  But, in that moment, it wasn't her sister or her family.  For a split second, it was mine.  It was Hannah. Aly. Dan and I.  The scenario played in my mind like a bad movie you can't block out even if you cover your eyes and plug your ears.    I don't know what I would do if I lost one of them...  

Being that Good Friday is tomorrow, it helps put The Cross into perspective.  God sent his precious baby boy into a broken world knowing he was going to be hated, persecuted, beaten and crucified....knowing full well there will always be people who don't understand or appreciate the sacrifice.  I don't even know that I always do.  I do know that I wouldn't do that for anything or anyone!   So, how much more must God love me [and you] to watch and allow Jesus to suffer through that?!?!?  Thankfully, he did! Because when Jesus rose three days later...it changed our standing in eternity forever.    

I know I probably sound really emotional this morning...I am not pregnant (I know some of you were probably thinking that ;).  I think it's just because it's a reminder of how unpredictable life can be.  We aren't guaranteed anymore days and that each one, really is a blessing.  I really need to start living more in 'today' and - not thinking about what might or will happen in the future - and enjoying the little things.  Easier said than done for me.  I am a worrier and a planner.  With all that said, the girls and I are going to go play in the beautiful weather we are having!!  Don't take anyone for granted...give your loved ones a kiss this morning and let them know how much they mean to you!!