Waiting is really hard. And, Dan and I are not good at waiting.
When we first got the call from Rich about a
possible area, it was in the one state that I had literally prayed against…West
Virginia. Seriously. West Vir.gin.ia. Ugh. But, after listening to the opportunities in the area we agreed
to go down and meet with the committee.
Surprisingly, it went well.
The people were great, the job seemed just right and Huntington wasn’t
as bad as we thought. I was only a three hour drive so we actually though it
might just work out for our family. After the meeting we heard fairly quickly
that the committee really liked us and wanted us to move on in the process. We
were willing and figured move to WV was in our future. But then there was
a long silence. Waiting. We didn’t hear from them for almost two months. When we finally did hear from them, it
was not the news we expected. They decided to go another way…someone with
experience ‘on staff’. We were
caught off guard. Even though they
assured us it wasn’t personal and they all really liked us, we were both hurt
and felt a little betrayed. I took
it really personally. We had put
our hearts on the line. Now what
were we supposed to do?
We didn’t have to wait long {surprisingly} before
they called with another option, Lehigh Valley in Eastern Pennsylvania. We almost didn’t even consider it
because of the distance…8 hours from family and friends. I was even more unsure about it than Huntington,
but I was willing to go and see.
Again, the people were great.
In fact, the entire area was great. It almost felt like home and we could really see ourselves
raising our family there. The
distance was a challenge, but it was still within a days drive. With the opportunities for ministry, it seemed like God was actually calling there. As hard as it would be to leave family,
we were ready and willing to say yes.
But, like we had been told before, it has to be a yes for everyone. And even though the regional director wanted us and we were
on board, there were doubts in the committees mind that we were the right ones
for such a big job. They loved us
personally…just didn’t believe in us. OUCH. Rejected again. Back to square one. It really stung
that time. We had worn our hearts
on our sleeves and laid it all out there…and for what? I was confused because we thought we knew God's plan, but we got it wrong. Friends kept reminding
me that it didn't surprise God. That He is sovereign and that it just wasn’t the place He had for us. I didn’t want to hear that. I lost all confidence in myself. I wanted to be obedient to God, but I also so desperately wanted to be able to out roots down somewhere. I didn't understand and I was so sick of waiting.
You know what is harder than waiting?
Rejection.
We had been rejected twice now. I was done. It was too hard and I did
not want to do it anymore.
Yet, just as school was out for summer, we got a
call about another area…this time a very small college town called Indiana,
Pennsylvania. While it was closer
to family than the previous one, I had a bad feeling about it from the beginning. Nothing about it felt right. We went to visit anyway and my initial
feelings were quickly confirmed. I
won’t go into details, but it was kind of a disaster. Clearly, the Lord was not calling us to the Christmas Tree
capital of the world and I was fine with that.
Three strikes and I was definitely out. We
gave it our best shot and we ‘failed’.
Now we were left to pick up the pieces of what we *thought* we were called
to and move on with our lives.
By this time it was mid-June. We were physically,
emotionally and spiritually tired, so we decided to call it quits for the year. We were frustrated. We wanted to enjoy the summer and needed
to prepare for the Fall. Rich
mentioned an area called the Firelands in northern Ohio to us, and that they would
possibly need somebody the following Spring, but we just weren’t sure. We didn’t want to force it and we
needed a break to reevaluate the call we thought we heard.
Over the next few months we settled into a routine
in our teaching careers and continued to lead YL in Gahanna. Slowly, but surely, the Lord began to reveal reasons why we were still in Columbus and the desire to move away began to fade. In me, the pendulum had swung the other direction and I didn't want to go anywhere anymore. I felt like we gave it a valient effort, but being missionaries just wasn't for us. Dan had a few
conversations with staff and we would frequently talk about this ‘calling’, but
weren’t really sure how to process it or proceed in the future. Dan was still
interested in talking with YL about new possibilities in the coming Spring, but
I was hurt by rejection and pretty bitter towards YL. For the first time in two years, we weren't on the same page. I pulled away and it created distance between us. We were at a crossroads. We either continue to pursue it or we
leave it behind forever. So, we
did what most indecisive people would do…we just kind of ignored it and hoped
it would go away on its own. Honestly, I was barely hanging on. So when Rich approached Dan at
Leader Weekend and told him there just weren’t any openings and it probably was
going to happen this year, I was silently cheering. Victory. I had won. Or so I thought…
No comments:
Post a Comment